‘Identity Crisis’ is like a slow poison. The crisis takes time, but once it happens, it is very difficult to get rid of it. And it can be self-caused or externally induced.
Self-Caused: You miss one marriage event. You have a reason. You miss it a second time; you still have a reason. You miss a third ‘important’ one, you try to find a reason, you miss another ‘very important’ one, by that time you get used to it, and forget it soon after. I tried to make a gross comparison between “a wedding misser”, and a “serial murderer” (here ‘gross’ qualifies the entity taken for comparison). I understood why faces of such murderers – at least as shown in films – don’t have signs of any remorse. Probably, such a sinful act had settled in their life like another mundane chore.
Externally Induced: You cannot be very cautious about setting an impression of yourself in others – your qualities pop up by themselves. Like say, people think you are short-tempered, because you initially are. Now, over a few years you have sincerely worked over that nature and corrected it pretty much. But as in many other cases, people don’t perceive change – ‘change’ in any sense is difficult to manifest itself. A situation occurs where your anger is valid; but, unfortunately the past impression of yours interferes the judgement of people, resulting in your attitude being blamed.
Taking my ‘identity crisis’ into analysis with respect to the instances mentioned above, I tried to count how many such weddings I had missed in the last couple of years, and stopped the process in between feeling frustrated. Though I had genuine reasons not to attend a few of them, I found that I had allowed a kind of carelessness to settle in me over a period of time. With regard to’short temper’, I have been unlucky till now. The past impression stays.
Well, I finally learnt that I can’t do much about such things anyway. But what I could surely do is, get up, pat my buttocks, and keep running – work on attitudes that I have to improve, and for judgements I can’t control, try to be patient. Most importantly, I figured, I shouldn’t do all this to save my identity, but to get better as a person.